Why Self-Promotion Feels So Gross (But Staying Invisible Feels Worse)

If you’re a first-generation corporate professional, stepping into a corporate workplace can feel like entering a whole new reality.

It’s like you’re an actor. You’ve spent your whole life preparing for this one big role, memorizing your lines, rehearsing your moves, perfecting your craft.

Opening night finally arrives, the curtain rises, the spotlight’s on you—and suddenly, you realize everyone else on stage is working off a totally different script, in a totally different language. And this new language is the most complex and nuanced one of all. Because it’s language of emotions and unwritten rules. And no one is there to guide you.

Corporate workplaces don’t just run on what’s written. They run on what’s unwritten. Today, I’ll show you how to decode these rules, adapt strategically—while remaining true to yourself.

Understanding the Emotional Journey of Adapting

You may have well-meaning colleagues who try to help you adapt to corporate life, by saying things like, “You gotta speak up!” or “You should network more!”

But when I train first-gen corporate professionals, the #1 objection I hear is: “But that’s just not me!”

As in: “I try to promote myself, but it makes me feel so slimy!”
Or, “I’ve tried to network, but I just feel so awkward.”

Here’s the thing: adapting to a new culture isn’t just about changing behaviors—it’s an emotional journey. And let’s be honest, the emotions are usually not great.

• Stressed—from constantly having adjusting to new expectations.

• Inauthentic—from being forced to act in ways that aren’t you.

• Awkward, humiliated—afraid of failing publicly when trying something new.

• Lonely—from the isolation that comes with being different

• And frustrated—wishing you could just be yourself.

What emotions have you experienced while navigating corporate’s unwritten rules?

The Paradox of Flexibility and Burnout

If you’ve ever tried to change yourself, you know: it’s hard enough to change yourself in the best of circumstances. Now, add in in all those negative emotions!

Psychologists tell us that when we experience negative emotions, we naturally revert back to our default behaviors.

So, here’s the paradox of adapting across cultures:
Adapting requires us to be flexible.
But the emotional toll of adapting often makes us inflexible.

So, we get stuck. And in that stuckness, it’s easy to get burned out—or feel like an imposter.

This is where cultural goggles come in.

How Your Cultural Lens Shapes Workplace Success

We all see the world through cultural goggles that are influenced by our upbringing, family, and communities. These goggles shape how we interpret the world, communicate, and collaborate.

Misunderstandings happen when we expect other people to act as if they’re wearing our cultural goggles—when they’re not.

For us as first-gen corporate professionals, this is especially tricky. Corporate’s unwritten rules decide who gets promoted, who gets heard, and who succeeds.

And we were raised with different unwritten rules. To thrive, we must shift perspective.

This means seeing the world not just through our lens, but through the lenses of others, so we can connect meaningfully with everyone we meet.

The Mindset Shift That Changes Everything

To overcome emotional hurdles, don’t just focus on changing behaviors. Don’t just force yourself to self-promote or be assertive if it feels wrong. Instead, shift your perspective. 

Next time you’re in a conversation with someone from a different background, try this: pause and imagine seeing the interaction through their perspective. How might they see and feel the exchange?

Shifting perspectives isn’t just about imagining someone else’s point of view. It’s about feeling what it’s like—to them—to walk their shoes.

And let me tell you, from personal experience, this doesn’t happen overnight. It takes time and practice.

But here’s why it matters: if we only focus on changing our behaviors, we’re forcing ourselves to keep stepping outside our comfort zones, again and again, every day, all day long. That’s exhausting and unsustainable. 

But when we learn to fluidly shift our perspective—we’re not stepping outside our comfort zone. We’re expanding our comfort zone.

That’s not a behavioral shift. It’s a mindset shift. And it’s permanent.

When you learn to move beyond your cultural goggles, shifting perspectives becomes second nature.

Suddenly, you’re not just behaving in ways that lead to success in corporate—you’re doing it in a way that feels authentic to you. 

Show Your Value Without Changing Who You Are

When you expand your comfort zone, you unlock new opportunities—not by changing who you are, but by helping others see your true value. This is how you go from feeling like an outsider to thriving as an insider.

Always remember: as a first-gen, you are extraordinary—and the future is yours to shape. Let’s master the unwritten rules together. 

Let’s Network and Build Community on LinkedIn! 

"What’s one unwritten rule you’ve learned that changed the game for you?

Sharing your story is a powerful way to showcase your strengths and help others navigate their own journeys. Let your professional network see your true value—post your thoughts on Linkedin and @ me so I can come into your comments to cheer you on. I can’t wait to hear from you!

With warmest wishes,
Joy